by Beth Tavalin
Beth, a single mom, shares how God fills her with wisdom and strength as she raises her three children.
My hidden blessing is being a single parent of three young children. God designed parenting to be done by two people, not one. Raising children by myself can feel like a daunting task. There’s no one to talk to about my children’s struggles, no one to encourage me—or rebuke me—when I need it, and I often feel very alone. I can second guess my decisions, doubt my parenting skills, and wonder where I’m leading my children.
When I approach raising my children by following my own heart, without seeking the Lord’s wisdom, then my children behave in a worldly manner. They fight, argue, are mean to one another, and are just plain selfish. Wherever Mom’s heart is, that’s where their hearts are too. But when I deal with my children according to God’s wisdom, then there’s peace and sanity for all of us. So I’ve learned I must live my life yielding my heart to the Lord. I must seek Him every day by reading His Word and through prayer. When I do this, He gives me supernatural courage, wisdom, and grace to meet the needs of my children, one of which is turning their hearts toward Him. This enables me to say that God uses the daunting task of being a single mom as a hidden blessing in my life.
It’s difficult to explain how to let the Lord be your strength in times of weakness. There’s a trust that needs to happen in your head and heart. It’s a trust in the Lord’s ability to handle anything in your life and a willingness to let Him. This way, you can be at peace in any situation. For me, this trust has developed over time as every day I’ve sought Him through prayer and spending time in His Word. When I pray, I simply talk to God from within or even aloud. Sometimes I write out prayers in my journal. When I read God’s Word I meditate, memorize, and study. When I meditate, I think through what I’m reading so my heart absorbs it. This makes my experience with Scripture so rich, and it also makes memorizing easier. Memorizing Scripture impacts my heart and helps me speak truth to myself at the moment I need it. I dig deeper through study when I come across something I want to learn more about or something I don’t understand. I use books and the internet to read commentaries and look up words in their original Hebrew or Greek.
When do I have time to do all this? After I get my kids tucked into bed, I make time to focus on my relationship with the Lord out of my need. I look forward to, and truly treasure, these deep, rich times that I get to spend with Him. And God has honored my time with Him in so many ways. One way is by strengthening my relationship with Him. This has helped me trust Him to give me wisdom when I need it.
One evening, one of my children was giving me attitude, rolling eyes at me in disgust, and giving me the “whatevers” to anything I said. I was perturbed and hurt. I wanted to react by yelling and scolding. Instead, I sent the others out of the living room and sat down with my child on the couch. I had no idea what I was going to say, but I simply trusted God to give me the words and insight I needed.
“You’ve been pretty unkind to me this evening. Is something upsetting you?” I asked.
Gazing down, my child pouted. “Everyone at school talked about how they got to go out of the country for spring break, and I never get to go anywhere.”
“I see, what else?”
“And everyone in the class was invited to a birthday party except me.”
I restrained myself from indulging in trying to come up with a solution to ease my child’s pain. Instead, I silently asked the Lord for wisdom on how to respond. He faithfully answered, and I was able to say, “Let’s think for a moment. What’s the most important thing in life?”
My child looked up at me and gave an instant answer. “Jesus.”
“What about Jesus?”
“Well, if Jesus wasn’t real, I wouldn’t be here.”
“That’s true. So how does going out of the country or being invited to a birthday party relate to what’s truly important?” As I spoke, I was amazed at the insight God was giving me.
“It doesn’t,” was the answer. I was so thankful God was helping me engage with my child, who could now see from God’s perspective.
“Let me share with you what I see,” I continued. “Aside from Jesus, do you know what’s most important to me?”
“No.”
I looked into my child’s eyes. “My relationship with you is the most important thing in this world to me. And when you roll your eyes at me and give me the “whatevers” it damages our relationship.”
My child began to cry with a repentant heart for letting something trivial come between us. Then we hugged and prayed together.
It’s helpful to have Scripture in my heart. Here’s one of my favorite verses:
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19 NIV).
The key here is to ask God for help while I am “slow to speak” and to believe He will respond. When He does, then I can trust Him even more to help me in the future. And the good news is, God really does want me, and you, to come to Him.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord” (James 1:5-7 NIV).
In every circumstance that comes my way, the choice is mine. Will I respond my own way, or will I restrain my flesh and turn to God so I can respond His way? When I choose to turn to God and allow Him to work through me in my weakness, then I’m not alone as a single parent. In this way, being a single parent isn’t a liability but a joy. It’s my hidden blessing.
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