by Laura Magid Mawer
God called me to serve that day, but I didn’t want to. So I turned to Him for help, and He filled me with His love and strength.
A mountain of household tasks pressed heavy on me. Loads of laundry stared me down, messy rooms taunted, and my never-ending desk clutter screamed out for attention. I wanted to get busy and attack these burdens—they were making me crazy with anxiety. However, I had promised to begin a Bible study with an elderly lady friend that day. I’ll call her Peggy.
I felt weak in my own connection to God that day and had no desire to bless someone in desperate need. My detached heart resorted, “I’ll just go and get it over with.” But I knew that leading a Bible study with such an attitude would be an insult to God and would interfere with Him accomplishing anything through me. I needed His strength to fill me in my weakness. This happened while I was serving as editor on this Hidden Blessings project. Talk about feeling like a hypocrite! There I was, serving our congregation and coming across as a God-honoring woman. But my heart wasn’t cooperating that day.
The women’s stories had just started coming in. Each woman, in her own special way, expressed the dilemma of having a heart that needed softening. I knew my heart needed softening, and I didn’t have the resources in my own strength to make that happen.
It was about an hour and a half before I had to leave for Peggy’s house. I needed God to change my heart. First, I read through the women’s stories and used them as models for submitting to God in my weakness. The two themes running through them were relying on God’s Word and talking to Him through prayer. So I read from my Bible, and God’s truth drew me near to Him. Then I prayed. I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands. Right there at my kitchen table, I approached God’s throne as I entered into the Holy of Holies. I spoke to Him silently from my anxious heart of stone. I prayed something like this:
“Lord, I don’t want to go today. I have so many things I have to get done in my house. But Lord, the other day a friend reminded me of how important it is to fill our time with things that matter for eternity. And visiting with Peggy today, to open up Your Word together, will be for Your eternal purposes. So Lord, fill me with the desire to study Your Word with her today. And please lead me in the study, so I know what You want me to focus on with her.”
When I finished praying, I had to leave right away. Before I dashed to my car, it occurred to me to bring some of my favorite worship songs—I knew God had planted that idea in my heart. So I ran upstairs, grabbed some lyric sheets, collected my Bible, then rushed out the door.
I continued talking to God as I drove, and He gently replaced my anxiety with peace and a desire for the Bible study with Peggy. When I pulled up in front of her home, my heart was no longer fretting over everything sitting undone in my house. I prayed more before leaving the car, and I experienced the Holy Spirit filling me with so much love for my friend.
As I sat with Peggy, I experienced God directing my steps. Peggy is generally a very angry, negative person, who has little joy in her life. I started by singing worship songs to bless her, using the lyric sheets I’d brought. I could tell the songs touched her heart. She even shed a few tears.
After that, God guided me in asking Peggy questions to help me know what she already believed about Jesus. She shared that growing up she’d gone to church and believed Jesus was God, but she had little understanding of what it meant that He died on the cross for our sins.
As the Spirit continued to lead, I explained the Gospel to Peggy using simple drawings, and she understood. Then God had me share certain passages from Scripture, and Peggy was so excited to be learning from the Bible. Eventually, I asked her “THE” question: “Do you want to receive Jesus as your Savior?” Peggy received Jesus that afternoon, and I prayed with her afterwards.
The lack of order in my house, that had caused me such distress, turned out to be a hidden blessing. Had I not been overwhelmed by all the mess, then I wouldn’t have had the privilege and joy of experiencing God’s strength at work in me. Though I can’t always depend on my heart, I can always depend on my God. He is the strength working in my heart during my times of weakness.
“My spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever” (Psalm 73:26 NLT).
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